I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
