his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
