I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
