we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
