I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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