I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
