remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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