what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
