It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
