Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
