is wine microwaveable?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
