its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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