Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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