new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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