Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
