how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
