he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
