I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
