I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Randomize
