We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
