just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
