So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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