john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
where are you?
Hypothermia
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize