its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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