So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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