my phone needs a breathalizer
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
