I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
