Kiss
Puke
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
