We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
