1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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