Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Randomize
