Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
