period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
