Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
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