My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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