i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
