i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
