And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
