I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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