Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
