I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
