Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
