i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
