Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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