his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
