Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
