Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You need Xanax blowdarts
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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