She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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