marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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