a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize