scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
