I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
