I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
