Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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