I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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