I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Randomize
