i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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