I wish my penis had an off switch
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
