I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
