I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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