i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
