the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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