Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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