just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize