We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
