So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
