the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
