we're blogging at a bar
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
