both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm like, not good at living.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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