The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
