would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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