i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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