it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize