So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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