I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
