Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
