i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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