i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize