can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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