Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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