Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
