Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
