dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize